39   von K-Cee
                            (Reita/Ruki, Aoi/Uruha)
================================================================================
                                   Prolog: 
                                   --------


The whole day had been shit. 
Big shit. 
And when I say shit, I mean shit. 
Work had been shit, the weather was shit, my visit at the konbini had brought up
nothing but more shit, my hairdresser had turned the mop on my head into shit.
If you know something about mythology: I was like King Midas but everything I
touched on that day turned into shit. 
Well, if anyone uses the word 'shit' nine times when summerizing their day, what
else could they probably do than get wasted? 

I had made my shit - pardon - hair the best way possible, had slipped into a
pair of tight, black jeans and a fancy black shirt before I headed downtown to
get some drinks. As I walked down the crowded road I got swilled into a club I
had never been in before by a group of young men around me pushing in. 
The air was sticky, clouded with smoke and the sharp smell of aftershave and
beer - and testosterone. 
Deciding to not pay too much attention to my foreign environment I lifted myself
onto an unoccupied stool at the bar to order some Whisky and fish a cigarette
out of my pocket. Before I could light it, two hands appeared in front of me,
holding a zippo in their embrace to help me out. Male hands. Male, slender,
manicured hands with fancy silver rings on three of their fingers. I cracked a
smile and managed to reply a small 'thank you' before I took the first drag from
the now glowing cancer stick, the tip of it shining in a bright orange. 
A small nod was the answer and I caught a deep baritone voice ordering a beer
and a tequila shot. 
Letting my eyes wander around I started to wonder why there were so many men in
this club. But as soon as I thought further and also thought about where he had
involuntarily left the sidewalk - namely between 5th and corner 72nd - it let my
cheeks burn up with a red shade. 
The 39. 
A gay club.



                                  Kapitel 1: 
                                  -----------


His name was Akira.
He had something to do with music industry and PR and shit, at least that's what
I remember. He was handsome, bleached hair that was slightly ruffled, a muscular
figure and almost feminine eyes and lips, and his dialect showed he must have
come from the same place I was born at.
But the most important thing: I liked him.

After a handful of shots and some beer we ended up making out at my place.
I don't remember how long we fucked but I remember having come twice already
when we switched positions for the umpteenth time.
He breathed against my ear as he took me from behind, the rhythm of his hips
made me go mad and his touches brought me close to the edge again, before I came
one final time, cursing.

I woke to the smell of coffee and sex. 
I got used to that smell during my time at university, so now I felt a little
like I had traveled back in time and was now being a twenty year old
first-semester again. 
The sound of the front door being pulled shut made me finally open my eyes and
look around. Obviously, I had been asleep long enough to automatically get rid
of the stray creature I had taken home last night but that was all fine with
me.
I sat up and swung my legs out of bed to get a hold on firm ground, my stomach
twisting in an unpleasant twitch and my butt sore from the night before, and
stalk over to my kitchen where, oh wonders, coffee was ready.
Straying through the space in between the four walls and the roof I called my
home, I found no sign of anyone having been here the night before. Even the
bedroom was tidy and neat; not the slightest hint of the events that had taken
place.

I took a cup from the kitchen cabin to fill it with the steaming hot, black
liquid which was kind of a life elixir to me ever since I started my work as an
art teacher. Taking the first, bigger sip from the mug in my left hand, the
right one fumbled a cigarette out of the paperbox on the kitchen's windowsill
before I put it between my lips to light it with the zippo lying close to the
box. 
Armed with coffee and a cigarette, I made my way over to the dining table in the
livingroom where my laptop was placed, a small note sticking to the screen
caught my attention as I was about to switch it on.

rock_beast@msgme.co.jp

Oh God, no.
Welcome to the generation 2.0 - the cellphone number was obviously an old hat
already, today people exchanged their messenger adresses.
Taking another drag from the cancer stick in my hand and sitting down in front
of the table on one of the comfortable, fancy chairs I had chosen, I switched on
the device in front of me. Why not?
After all, he was a nice guy - even though I already grew sick of the smell of
his cologne lingering in the whole flat, so I'd have to open a window soon - so
I started my messenger and added that guy named Akira.
The program found someone named 野犬 but the person was currently offline.

So I would wait.



                                  Kapitel 2: 
                                  -----------


stray dog says (04:21am):
	oh, you're still awake?

Rubbing my eyes as I awoke to the signal of my messenger, I arched my back to
get some tension out of the sore muscles. "Ouch...", I muttered and massaged my
limbs as I gazed at the message on the screen with one eye still closed before
looking at the small clock in the corner of the display.
Had I really fallen asleep on that chair?

beloved filth says (04:24am):
	sure thing. but why are -you- up at such an early hour?

Really, I was wondering.
And I had thought I had weird sleeping habits.

stray dog says (04:25am):
	I'm right back from work and the afterwork party *g*

beloved filth says (04:25am):
	work, eh? callboy?

stray dog says (04:25am):
	nobody could pay -that- much, ugh.

beloved filth says (04:26am):
	sad thing.

stray dog says (04:26am):
	sad? you know you can get that for free anytime, baby.

Baby..?
Okay, he must have been either the hell drunk or the hell more drunk to say
something like that.

beloved filth says (04:28am):
	forgot my name so you have to call me nicknames, eh?

stray dog says (04:28am):
	Matsumoto Takanori

beloved filth says (04:29am):
	hence the name at my door

stray dog says (04:30am):
	okay, okay, you got me.
	but hey, nobody's perfect - though I might look like it.

beloved filth says (04:31am):
	tbh, you look like an idiot right now.

stray dog says (04:31am):
	oh, ouch.
	snappy thing today, eh?

beloved filth says (04:32am):
	oh, don't worry. I'm all nice and easy to handle.
	at least if you don't look like an idiot.

stray dog says (04:32am):
	whatever, mr smartass.
	I'd like to see you tomorrow.

Oh God, no...

beloved filth says (04:34am):
	why?

stray dog says (04:34am):
	does perfection need a reason?

beloved filth says (04:34am):
	no but idiots do.

stray dog says (04:35am):
	point for you.
	okay, because I need to talk to you.

beloved filth says (03:35am):
	we're talking right now, aren't we?

stray dog says (03:36am):
	welcome to generation 2.0

beloved filth says (03:36):
	my talking.
	but okay, where?

stray dog says (03:37am):
	delight café, at 3pm?

beloved filth says (03:38am):
	okay. bring your whip.

stray dog says (03:38am):
	so eager to see me?

beloved filth says (03:39am):
	eager to hit you, yes.

stray dog says (03:39am):
	looking forward, baby. gotta go now. oyasumi!

Baby...

beloved filth says (03:40am):
	oyasumi.



                                  Kapitel 3: 
                                  -----------


"Soy Latte.", I muttered as he glanced at the cup in front of him as if it
contained some kind of green alien slime.
"Pussy coffee.", he replied dryly and chuckled as he took the first sip.
"Yup. And just to tease you I put some extra caramel shot into it.", I grinned
at him and stuck my tongue out, once more caught by his intense, silver eyes.
I hated it when he was just there.
It always reminded me of the things we had done and of what his face looked like
while his cock filled me.

Taking a big gulp from my own cup I hummed due to the satisfying taste of
coffee, milk, and a little caramel.
"So, how come you agreed on a date?", he asked while his long, delicate fingers
played with the napkin lying under his cup to keep any stains away from the
tabletop.
"This isn't a date.", I answered and looked out of the window to watch the
passing people on the sidewalk.
"You invited me for coffee, alone, in a public place. I don't know what's
non-date-ish about this."
He scratched his temple but remained smiling at me - that cocky smile he always
smiled and which made him look like he was Mr
Yes-I-know-I-look-stunning-and-you-want-me-to-fuck-you-right-on-that-coffee-table.

Facing reality was so cruel.

"We already fucked, so there's no need for dating anymore, is there?", I bit
back but the soft note of doubt tinted my words so that they didn't leave my
tongue as sharp as I had wanted them to.
"You're cute when you turn red like that.", he said and completely ignored my
question.
"Fuck you."
"Don't you want me to fuck you?"
Oh how much I wanted to slap that smug grin out of his face.
"You're just a masochist and want me to scratch your shoulders bleeding again.
But I could do that without the fucking also. Like, maybe, with your face?"
I cocked my head a little to the side and curled my lips into a wicked smile.

"Okay, okay, I get it.", he frowned and crossed his arms on his che- ...wait.

"Is that my necklace?"
"Yup."
"You stole it?!"
"I borrowed it. I thought it looked nice on me."

Slap. That. Grin.

Jesus fucking Christ, it looked good on him.
And yes, I knew he looked even better without any clothing but hell, this was
about the principe.
"Give it back."
"Take it."

SLAP. THAT. GRIN.
He stemmed his elbows into the tabletop so that the silver jewellery dangled
losely around his delicate neck. My eyes automatically followed the line of his
collarbone under the thin, black fabric of his tank top until they stopped at a
purple spot right where the bone met the muscle line of his neck.
I knew I had bitten him but... that hard?
The spot was, as said, purple and in some points dried blood stuck to the
bruised skin - all in all it looked like it'd hurt.

As soon as my left hand reached out - I don't really know if for the necklace or
the spot in the first place - he leaned back in his seat and chuckled.
My hand now hung loose in the air but soon I leaned a little further onto the
table and finally reached his warm skin with my fingertips.
My index and middle finger ghosted over the abused skin until he pulled my wrist
away and caught my hand to slightly cross our fingers in a gentle touch.
"Does it hurt?", I asked but my voice was barely more than an exhale of air.
"It has to.", he smiled and kissed my fingertips, "Because it's worth the
memory."

His hand left mine and made the desire grow to feel that touch again.
"Gotta go now.", he said and stood up, leaving me in this awkward position but
with a note written onto the napkin his empty cup was placed on.

His adress. 9pm.



                                  Kapitel 4: 
                                  -----------


"Good idea, Shisame-kun. Just keep going.", I said with a smile and leaned a
little further over the canvas one of my students was painting on.
"Thank you, Matsumoto-san."

Walking past some other students who sat over their work, I headed to the desk
in the front to gaze at my cellphone - 2:37pm.
I grabbed a sponge and cleaned my own explainations and sketches from the black
board.
"Few minutes left, guys, go pack your stuff!", I said and clapped my hands to
get rid of some dried chalk on my fingers.
It was friday.
And friday was always the best day of the week, since I could finish work around
lunchtime already.

Leaving the university building, I shouldered my leather messenger bag and
walked downtown while smoking a cigarette. Like every friday I'd walk past the
news store but this time something caught my attention.
To be more precise, it was a pair of eyes. Bright, dangerous, grey eyes.
The same eyes that had looked at me in the 39, my bedroom, and that coffee bar.
His eyes.
As far as I could read it, the magazine was the latest issue of 'Rock & Read',
and before I could do anything against it, my feet were already bringing me
closer to the display to pull the mag out behind some other newspapers.
Blonde hair, thin eyebrows, the bridge of the nose - well, everything looked
pretty much like Akira - but... what was that?
Pulling it higher, the picture showed that he had a strap of some white and grey
cloth around his face where his nose would usually be.
And those were definitely his lips.
As soon as the whole cover was revealed, my eyes shot towards the spot the
biting mark had been at but there was nothing.
I was about to give the thought up and already considered being insane but once
again I was told the better.
There it was: the necklace.
My necklace.

I borrowed it.

I paid the magazine and spoiled my plans of a shopping trip to take a taxi
home.
Finally at home, I pulled the mag out of my bag and put it on the dining table
where I sat down.

the GazettE no Reita
special issue
10 pages + exclusive interview

Flicking through the pages I found the desired interview that was 'decorated'
with loads of pictures. And the more pictures I saw, the more sure I got that
this, de facto, was Akira.

Q#27: How about marriage and kids?
A: Sure, why not?

Liar.

Q#28: What does a perfect morning look like for you?
A: Waking up next to the one I love and make coffee for them before they wake
up.

Q#29: Did you ever experience that?
A: (laughs) Just recently.

My brain sucked up the letters like a sponge, defragmenting and giving meaning
to them in front of a different background, comparing with personal experience
and memories to put them into another order.
Just recently.
The smell of coffee and sex came from somewhere in the back of my mind into
focus and made the words all the more alluring to interpret them into something
I... I guess, something I liked, maybe even something I secretly wished for.

Q#30:		How does your perfect match look like?
A:		small, blonde, and cynical.


Jesus fucking Christ.



                                  Kapitel 5: 
                                  -----------


His name was Akira. 
Akira aka Reita, twentyseven years old, blood type A, bassist of a famous band
named 'the GazettE'. 
He was famous. And he had slept with me. He had made coffee for me and he was
the one who had asked me out to his place tonight. 
Oh God. 

I was about to hyperventilate. 
Somewhere in the bedroom beeped my cellphone but I couldn't find the nerve to
look who had written a message. 
Speeding around the livingroom and the kitchen I thought about a way to
compensate all of the information while my mind was a mess of Akira and Reita,
of truth and lies. 

I work in the music industry. 
PR and stuff, you know. 

I stopped in my tracks and suddenly the tension fell off my shoulders in a long
sigh. 
While a minute ago I had been boiling with anger about what shit he might could
have been telling me, I now fell all silent as his words crossed my mind. 
Yes... 
He had never lied to me. 
He worked in the music industry and he, indeed, had something to do with public
relations. 
And Gods, he looked so good with makeup and styled hair... 
My fingers absently caressed over one of the pictures as I sat down at the
dining table again, in front of the magazine. 
I flicked through the pages and the longer I looked at the photos, the more I
saw Akira through them. 

Deciding to gather more info, I switched on the laptop and went over to the
bedroom to get my cellphone while the system started. 

>work is a bitch. mind bringing some vodka? 

I smiled to myself just for the fact that it had been Akira who wrote. 

>it really is. mind fucking my brains out? 

I knew it was cocky but it was the only graspable way for me to find out if he
really liked me. 

>vodka and condoms. 

I chuckled and put the device aside to google some more of his pictures, but
sooner than I realized it I had a whole folder of his photos on my hard drive -
and a hard-on. 
And yes, I felt a little bad for being a fanboy but after all it couldn't be
helped. 
He was stunning. 
Everything he was, was stunning. 
I had always fallen for the bad guys but they'd never reach him. 
He was the incorporation of a bad boy - And I would make him mine.



                                  Kapitel 6: 
                                  -----------


A quite long taxi ride later and way too much money poorer I finally stood in
front of a huge apartment building in an outer district of Tokyo. The complex
was about 15 floors high and looked expensive - again a sign that Akira played
in another financial league than me.
Looking a little helpless at the loads of names next to the glass door at the
front, I decided to write him a message.

>where do I have to ring?

>Suzuki. 7th floor.

I sighed and prayed to God that there'd be an elevator at least.
Looking over the number of templates again I didn't have the time to even find
his name as the door lock buzzed open and allowed me entrance to the warm
building.
Finally arriving at floor number seven - obviously, the God of smoker's lungs
had heard me: there had been even three elevators - I stood in the middle of a
spacious corridor with four closed doors. The template showing 'Suzuki' was soon
to be found and since a bell was missing, I just knocked at the thick wood.

"Password or vodka!", was the reply and I chuckled.
"I could offer some vodka then, sir."

The door swung open and the first thing I saw was... not Akira.
Either that or he'd had some plastic surgery within the last day.

"Errh.. hi."
"Hi! The name's Kouyou. Come in, Aki's in the bathroom to make himself pretty
for you. And oh God, I can tell, he went all fuzzy and lovey-dovey about you. I
heard you're an art teacher? That's nice but I'm not that interested in this old
stuff like Moet.. no wait, the name was Monet, ne.. anyway. Monet and such stuff
but modern art really gets me sometimes. Did you find the house easily? Yes? Oh
my, this is going to be so much fun. And oh well, I'll show you the flat
then..."

Oh. God.
Someone, please kill me.

"As you can see, we're in the foyer, so take off your shoes and jacket, honey. I
know it's cold outside but I'd kick Aki's ass if he'd had such an overly
expensive flat without a working heating. Whatever. Over there is the master
bedroom, on the other side is the kitchen and the bathroom - a little too small
for my taste but whatever. Over there..."

He made a small pause. Finally.

"..ah, that room is uninteresting anyway."

Uninteresting..?
He pushed me further down the hall.
"And here we are, the livingroom. We had so many wild parties in here, I could
tell you some stories, wohoo, you know. But anyway, take a seat, grab a glass
and..-"

"Kouyou."
"Yes, Aki?"
"You're scaring him."

I looked at the door and saw Akira standing there. Half-naked Akira.
Half. Naked. Akira.
Grinning, I bowed my head a little to the side and flipped a strand of hair out
of my face. "You forgot to dress.", I told him and pointed towards the white,
fluffy towel around his slim waist. Kouyou chuckled.
"Well, yes, thank you, mister.", he snorted and turned around to head for the
bedroom and get some clothing.
Kouyou.
I knew this guy. He was the guitarist of Akira's band. I had seen him on several
group pictures along my internet journey. 'Uruha'.
He was pretty, even though with makeup he looked a little too feminine for his
own good.
He formed a ducky pout.
"Aki's always jealous that I'm making friends so easily.", he huffed and sat
down in the armchair next to me, crossing his legs and grabbing for a glass
which he filled with sake. "Anyway.", he resumed and nodded to himself, closing
his eyes with the long, black lashes, hiding amber pools from sight, as he took
a long sip.
"Is he?", I asked and poured myself a glass with the clear liquid.
"He's actually pretty shy, you know. It looks like a wonder he came to talk to
you, like he told me."
Suddenly, he seemed very amused. "He must have been pretty drunk to have the
balls."
"The balls to do what?"
There he was again, (sadly) fully dressed and good looking, his cheeks a healthy
rose tone after the hot shower he had been taking.
"To flirt with this pretty young thing.", Kouyou grinned and nodded into my
direction.
　
We ended up totally wasted.
Why not?
Kouyou was fun to talk and listen to; he told stories that made us laugh and
roll all over the floor, drunk as we were. And I don't remember how but he
managed to call a taxi and get home safe because he called when Akira and me
were already busy making out on his leather couch.

"'sup?"
"I'm home, assholes."
"Yeah. Good night."
"Think of using protection, kids. You know where this can en-"
Akira hung up.
Chuckling, I climbed onto his lap and straddled his hips as I started another,
feverish kiss.



                                  Kapitel 7: 
                                  -----------


Warm, soft fingers touching my temple and cheek woke me. 
Akira's still naked body laid against mine and made me feel complete. 
It was still dim outside but some birds were already chirping in the trees
around the house while they awated the sunrise. 
Turning around to face Akira turned out to be a rather bad idea; it ripped me
off of my cloud made of comfort and happiness as a sharp bolt of pain shot right
through my head and creeped down my neck and shoulders. 
Cracking one eye open I came to face Akira with the same pained expression on
his features as me. 

He pressed his index finger against my lips and I tried to reply a nod but
refrained from the idea as soon as my head hurt again. 
Akira pressed his lips on my forehead and eased the ache a little before he
leaned down to kiss me. 
"Gonna shower.", he whispered and this time I managed to answer with a full nod.

I watched him stumble out of bed and into the direction of the bathroom. 

I decided to make some coffee for the two of us and slowly stood up to walk down
the hall (which somehow seemed to have turned incredibly crooked overnight) as I
stopped by a closed door opposite to the kitchen. 
The uninteresting room. 
Probably, I thought, a look wouldn't hurt, and so I soundlessly pushed the wood
open that seperated me from all the secrets hidden inside this forbidden place.

And there they were: his jewels. 
No, not those... 

Right on the opposite wall sat a whole battery of six basses, neatlessly in row
in the wooden construction holding them and all polished with love. 
On the wall hung pictures, covers of magazines, some tour shirts, right next to
photos of his family - he looked much like his mother - and his friends, his
bandmates. 
And suddenly, something caught my eye. 

Neither did I have an idea that this picture even existed, nor did I - if I'd
known it existed - expect to find it right on such a wall. 
A photo of us back from the evening at the 39. 
He looked happy. We looked happy. 
I turned around and left the room, closed the door behind me to leave everything
as it was, as if I'd never been in there. 
In the bathroom the water stopped rushing and I got to the kitchen just in time.


As I instinctively grabbed into the cupboard above the coffee machine -
everybody kept their coffee pads in there - a warm, half-naked body pressed
against my backside and two strong arms encircled my waist to lift me onto my
tiptoes, so I could reach the box with the coffee pads. 

"Morning, pretty." 
I smiled. 
"Mornin'." 

He smiled and pressed his lips against my temple. "How's the headache?" 
"Better.", I said and put two pads into the coffee machine to pour two cups of
the desired, black liquid. 
"That's the problem with Kouyou. He keeps talking and talking and you drink and
drink because you're listening and listening. He's such a chatter box." 
A chuckle left my throat and I finally turned around to capture his firm neck
with my arms. 
Something flickered in his eyes as he looked into mine and I don't know why but
it left me speechless. 
Again, I pushed myself onto my tiptoes, this time to reach his lips with my own
and start a gentle kiss. 

By the time I slowly started to realize what all of this meant to me. 
Before that so to say fatal evening at the 39, I wouldn't have even considered
myself being gay but now I came to see myself from a different angle. It wasn't
that I hadn't considered it, it was that I had actually never thought about it.

Akira had given my life another turn and now I came to realize that I enjoyed
this kisses and being held by him way too much to even think of letting all of
this go again. Not to mention that only thinking of kissing another guy than
Akira disgusted me to the bone. 
But even though I slowly started to embrace this little world the two of us
shared, I felt left on the outside. 
Why didn't he tell me? 
Why did he keep his 'other' life locked inside of that room even though he
seemed to love it so much? 
Why was my picture in there but why didn't I feel like it belonged right there?


Hell, I was confused. 
And he seemed to notice. 

"What is it?", he asked and looked into my face. 
Oh shit. 
"Do you have some painkillers..?", I asked and managed to crack a pained smile
while the machine in my back beeped twice - coffee was ready. 
"Sure." 
He left for the bathroom and gave me some time to think straight. 

"I even found some Aspirin with lemon flavor. Can't remember I bought this..." 
"Akira?" 
"Hum?" 

"I love you."



                                  Kapitel 8: 
                                  -----------


We made love on his kitchen table.
My fingers curled around the corners of the dark wood underneath my sweating
body and my hips kept digging into said table as he filled me again and again,
ever so slowly.
The pace drove me mad and his silver eyes hypnotized me as long as they didn't
close for another sloppy kiss.
His forehead leaned against mine and he moaned my name right against my skin
where it mingled with his own one in the minimal distance between our reddened
lips, gasped by me.
We'd had sex several times within the last few days but this time it felt
different.
He felt different.

His thrusts were gentle, deep and slow, his touches were loving and caring and
made my heart flutter an unsteady rhythm.
Even as we both came at the same time he kept his steady pace, like an eternal
source of calmness, and breathed against my neck and shoulder.
He kissed me one last time before he withdrew himself from me and helped me onto
my shaky feet. Grabbing my shirt and my boxers from the floor, I stalked over to
the bedroom and positioned myself on the bed to dress with said items.
He followed me soon after and brought the two cups of coffee - now only lukewarm
but still drinkable.

He came to sit next to me and rested his back against the headboard of the bed,
so I could snuggle up to him after I had taken place between his legs.
His arms enwrapped me in this special way only he could do, sharing a feeling of
safety and closeness.
I yawned and closed my eyes.
"Still tired?"
"Uhun."
"Get some more sleep then, baby.", Akira said and ran the fingers of his right
hand through my hair and made me purr, while his left hand held his mug.

"I guess I won't be able to sleep anyway...", I mumbled against his warm skin
and stretched my feet.
He bowed his head a little to the side to catch my lips with his own and I
smiled at him.
"Say it again...", he suddenly whispered, eyes sparkling with so much affection
and hope it caught me off guard.

"Errh..."



                                  Kapitel 9: 
                                  -----------


He was looking at me like I was about to shoot him.

His eyes laid on me with a puzzled expression in them, his whole figure - still
only dressed with a pair of boxers and ruffled hair - motionless

A delicate hand came up to grab a hold on said hair to scratch the side of his
head slightly in confusion and his only other motions were blinking and
breathing. Like the deer in headlights - with the fine difference that my deer
was about to open its mouth and say something I wasn't quite sure about whether
I wanted to hear it or not.

My stomach growled and I suddenly started trembling, the nervousness taking over
and I stumbled out of bed to reach the bathroom just in time to get a dead grip
on the white porcelain bowl and stick my head halfway into it as I threw up.
Once, twice.
Tears shot into my eyes and hung lose on my lashes as my stomach cringed one
last, painful time and finally fell silent. Flushing the toilet and sitting
back, I gave an exhausted huff and opened my eyes again to find Akira rummaging
in the closet.

He wordlessly handed me a pack of meds and a toothbrush before he, still silent,
left the room. And me.
Sighing, I cramped my hand around the toothbrush and slowly stood up to get my
job done and the bitter taste out of my mouth. 

Finally getting into the brightly lit bedchamber again, I saw him standing by
the window with his cup of coffee, looking out, the silver eyes following the
motions of busy traffic outside.
I took the few steps of distance between us easily but nervous, slinging my arms
around his waist, enjoying the feeling of his warm skin against mine. He didn't
move.

"You say you love me...", he made a pause in which I closed my eyes, no, I
screwed them shut tightly, "...and then go and throw up. Tell me what kind of
love that is."

His voice was calm but throughout the usually light and swinging baritone timbre
shot a strain of doubt and... fear? I slung my arms tighter around him, burying
my face between his shoulder blades, inhaling the tart scent of his cologne and
sex.

"I'm sorry, I..."
"Didn't mean it? I guessed that."

I swallowed.
The memories made my eyes sting with heat of oncoming tears and I shook them off
with a quick move of my head. Looking around the room I sat in, now empty of any
student or other sign of life, I opened my bag that stood next to my chair and
pulled a handful of magazines out.
Hell, this was becoming kind of an addiction.
So far, within the last week - in which I hadn't heard a sign of him, which
equals that he hated me now - I had bought each and every magazine that
contained an article about him or his band. I was about to open the first
magazine as the loud ring of my cellphone snapped me out of my daydreams.



                                 Kapitel 10: 
                                 ------------


"Uhn... moshi moshi..?"
I didn't know the number calling me.

"Hey Takanori-kun, this is Kouyou!"
Oh God.

"Hey Kou..."
"Nah~ So happy to hear me, I already guessed that", he said with a sarcastic
note, "but a-ny-way. I wanted to invite you for coffee. Half an hour?"
No.

"Sure."
Damn!

"Okay. Then I'll see you and your cute little piece of ass in half an hour,
Delight Café. Bai bai!"

"Bye..."


Said time later I was standing in front of that café I'd already been at once.
With him.
Rolling the glowing cigarette between my fingers I knocked some dead ashes off
the end before I took another deep drag to calm myself. The sky was grey,
fitting my mood, and I didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. Needless to
say that I had really no idea why exactly the cheerful brunette had called me
earlier, since he didn't seem to be mad at me.
I just hoped he wouldn't bring Akira here.

"Hey hey!"

A slender arm captured my waist and I was pulled into a tight hug from behind.
Turning around, I faced a grinning Kouyou and somebody else. 
Well, at least it wasn't Akira.
Definitely not Akira.
"Hey."
The tall guy with jet black hair greeted me with that short sound and a raise of
one of his almost fragile hands. A black titanium ring stuck in the right corner
of his bottom lip, his other hand rested at Kouyou's hip.
"I'm Yuu."
"Takanori.", I mumbled and stretched out my hand to shake the one he had offered
me.
He was pretty when he smiled.
Aoi
Even without makeup, I had to admit he was quite handsome. But nonetheless a bit
too old for my own taste - despite, he seemed to be taken. And I still somehow
felt like I belonged to a certain blonde, headstrong creature I was recently
missing.


We spent a fair amount of time at the café.
As always, Kouyou was talking and talking and talking, but somehow I got the
intention he was still avoiding a theme he actually wanted to speak of.
Anyway, he was spitting it out.

"You know, Taka-kun,... Aki's...", he seemed to struggle for the right words.
Yuu jumped in.
"He's kinda weird, recently. He doesn't talk at all."
What.
"As soon as he comes to work, he'll grab his stuff and work but he won't lose a
word all the time through. And that's shit because we'll soon have this...
presentation. And we need to co-work as a team or everything will be fucked
up."

"So he's being a twat.", I said.

"Actually, yes."

"Yuu!"

"What? Don't go fuzzy about him now just because he touched your dick when you
two were still playing in the sand box together.", Yuu snorted and choked a
little on his coffee as a soft punch hit his arm.
"Asshole."
"I love you too, honey."

Oh God.
Watching the lovebirds became almost too much.
"So.. what do you intend to do?", I managed to ask and cocked my head a little
to the side in question. Anyway, what did I have to do with it after all?
Okay, to be honest, it was probably my fault he wasn't talking. But what could I
do? Make him hate me even more?

"You two have to get back together.", Kouyou nodded and crossed his arms,
pushing his bottom lip forward in a ducky pout to show how important his
decision was.
"Definitely.", Yuu agreed and made me stare in disbelief.
"What?"
"You heard us. You two need to get back together."
"The fuck we will. He fucking hates me.", I cussed and turned my gaze away,
feeling the tension going through both of them.
"I can't do anything about it. Sorry.", I mumbled and pulled my wallet out to
flip a few notes onto the table.

"If he hates you that much..."

I looked up.

"..why does he keep your picture in his wallet?"



                                 Kapitel 11: 
                                 ------------


Where was I?
Oh right.
The café. Them.
Needless to say, the longer Kouyou talked, the more I got pissed.
Because, to be honest, I had no fucking idea what to do about all this, and, to
be honest again, I didn't get a hint of them having any clue about what to do
either.
The case file "Akira" was opened, but the words in it where speaking a cryptic
lagnuage, especially to me.

"We need a plan.", Yuu said and nodded, before lighting himself a cigarette.

"What do you expect me to do? Say 'hi Akira' and then drop onto my knees and
suck his cock?"

"Make sure to tape his face on video.", Yuu cuckled.

My left eye twitched.
Con-fucking-gratulations.
Why did I get the intention to suddenly have two insane in front of me?
Could too much hairspray take effects on a human brain and its function in areas
where rationality and understading irony was placed?
Jesus fucking Christ, this was serious business.

Kouyou smiled at me.
"There's no better sex than make-up sex. Maybe you should give it a try.", he
grinned and the way he smiled and the way Yuu placed his hand ontop of his thigh
made me shiver.
Too. Much. Information.

Bend a little more over.... yeah, just like that...

Fuck.
Literally.
I either needed to make my face stop flushing or get laid. Or both.
A week without sex and my hormones already started a riot against me.
Great.

"I don't know... he seemed really angry. I don't want him to rip my ass into
pieces.", I finally managed to murmur.
"What happened anyway?"
I lifted my gaze and fixed it at Kouyou, and wondered.
"I thought you were sand box buddies. Didn't he tell you?"
"Nope. As said, he didn't talk. At all."
"Wow."
"Yup."

I took a deep gulp from my mug and placed the now empty porcelain container
aside.

"Yuu, get us some coffee.", Kouyou chuckled, "I guess this is going to be a
longer story."

And he was so damn right.



                                 Kapitel 12: 
                                 ------------


I was chewing on my bottom lip.
I guess it was already red and swollen but I couldn't care less at the moment
because within the next second the door in front of me was ripped open.
He looked pissed.
And Gods, he looked hot when he was pissed.
Maybe I should bang on his door for about thirty minutes more often.

"Wha-"
He stopped and stared at me, obviously now realizing who had interrupted his
video-gaming afternoon.
"Oh... hey."
"Hey."
He seemed to hesitate for a moment but then stepped aside to allow me entrance
to his castle.
"What's the matter?", he asked and pushed the door shut with a quiet click.
At least, I thought, he talked.

"I wanted to apologize.", I said honestly and looked up at him and saw his
puzzled expression before he caught himself and decided to switch to
defense-mode.
"You already did."
"That's not what I want to apologize for."

"Explain what you just told me.", Kouyou said and stemmed his chin into his
hand, both held up by his elbow digging into the tabletop.
"I'm sure he'll understand. He always does. And since he cares a lot about you
he'll try to make up with you. He's not the type for fighting, you know."

"You know, the thing is...", I started as he showed no reaction besides crossing
his arms in front of him. The whole situation made me so damn furious. Why did I
have to apologize anyway? Why wasn't he on his knees in front of me and begged
me to come back to him and be his sextoy again? I mean.. seriously!

"And most important: please.. please, don't get angry with him. Whatever he does
or says, I'm sure he doesn't mean it, Takanori."
Screw the fucking plan.

"I want to apologize for taking you fucking serious. Because instead of being
the gentleman you pretend to be you were a selfish asshole. I didn't even get
the fucking chance to shower before you threw me out!"

His face fell.

And then he started laughing.
Loud.
Frowning, I folded my arms on my chest and looked to the side.
"That's what you came here for..?"
"Sure!", I spat and furrowed my eyebrows, glaring him down - well, at least I
tried my best to do so, but I knew I failed at looking badass. That was his job
anyway, wasn't it?

His arms slid down to his sides and he quaked with a supressed laughter or
chuckle, I wasn't sure but I didn't care either.
"So, just to make this clear, you.. you came here because you want to
shower..?"
"Yes."
"Okay...", again, a chuckle.
"With you."
"What..?", he choked.
"You heard me. Take that off.", I grinned and reached for the hem of his tank
top but he pulled back.

"What the fuck, Takanori...", he hissed and furrowed his eyebrows.
"You heard me. Let's shower.", I repeated and formed a pout he just couldn't
take serious.
"I don't see the point in this."
"Neither do I. I just need to get laid before I could explain anything to you."
"..."
"Hey! I'm just a man, okay? I'm having hormones and stuff, you know."
"Actually, you're acting like a chick right now.", he huffed.
"I'm just here for the paycheck, you know."
"What?"
"The paycheck. I need to forgive you before you can forgive me."
"Which rule does that follow now?"
"My rule."

I don't know why, but I really hoped he'd buy that one.
Because, to be honest, I still didn't have a flying fuck of an idea what to do
or say.

Explain to him what you just told me.


So, I ended up in the shower.
I showered.
Well, I tried to. I really did.

But it was hard to shower while he shoved his dick up my ass.



                                 Kapitel 13: 
                                 ------------


When we made it to his bedroom and onto the cosy bed, he was all over me.
After all, we were just junkies for each other.
Or, at least, that's what we'd become.
His hips pressed my backside into the matress, his face was buried at my neck
and his lips sucked at the nape of it. His thrusts were hard and shallow,
frantic, as I could do nothing but scream. Scream his name, curses, or whatever
came to my trembling mind first.
I was already sore all over.
But I couldn't care less.
The high his pace kicked me on made my head spin in circles while goosebumps
claimed me all over in a rush of cold though I felt like I was burning.
And, through it all, my heart ached. I felt like sobbing and crying but I
couldn't.
I didn't hurt because he hurt me with shoving himself into me this rough or with
his fingernails digging into the sensitive flesh of my thighs. No. It was this
unbearable craving. This craving for this moment not to end, not to face the
trouble with each other once more, not to admit that I had been wrong and felt
sorry, not to admit that I didn't know what I wanted or felt. I just didn't want
him to stop.

His still wet hair tickled my face as he leaned up a bit to look at me, his
silver eyes staring directly into mine, like reading my mind, and I had to close
my own because I feared he really could see what was going on in my head right
now.
And I didn't want him to see.
Waterpearls splashed onto my heated cheeks and trailed down the soft skin I knew
he loved, until they reached my lips where I licked them away. They tasted
salty.
I didn't know who of us was actually crying because it was the moment I screwed
my eyes shut under a heavy orgasm, my whole body shaking and quaking ontop of
the matress, arching into the athletic corpse above me that shuddered and
stiffened in its movements just as well as I felt his hot seed fill me.

A long moment of silence erupted between us as we both collapsed into each
other.
I snug my arms around his neck and tried to calm my breathing as I inhaled the
scent of cologne, sweat, and sex from his neck where I slowly kissed the tanned
skin.
The moment he pulled out of me made me moan in frustration. I felt empty.
Not only physically but also emotionally.
My head had been full of thoughts and feelings a second before and now it was
like a deserted pub: Nothing to be seen but the smell of drinks and a fight
still in the air.

His forehead rested on my shoulder for a little longer until he finally let
himself fall to the side and onto the matress where his body bounced up once
more until it fell still.
I rolled onto my side to face him, and as soon as I could see a glimpse of his
silver eyes, a muscular arm pulled me into a close embrace, so that my face was
now hidden on his chest.
"I missed you...", I finally whispered and flexed my fingetips against the damp
skin of his abdomen. He gave a low noise I couldn't quite define but somehow it
managed to soothe me. At least, I thought, he didn't push me away.
Skilled fingers found their way through my scalp and massaged my head a little
as they brushed through my hair.
"Why did you bleach it?", he asked, ignoring my former statement as he let his
fingers work their magic in making me a purring pudding of a human.
"I wanted to try something new."
He seemed to think for a moment before he gave a hum. One of his
I-heard-what-you-said-but-gimme-a-moment-hums.
"..looks good."

Wait.
Was that a compliment?

"Thank you."
"Did you lose some weight, too?"

..and what was that now?
My left eye twitched.

"Yes. Why?"
"I just recognized you got skinny... is there anything I have to be concerned
about?"

Oh, for fucks sake.
What did he think, eh? That I was an anorexic chick that grew all 'I have to
change my hair, or better, my whole life, like right now!' just because the
object of her burning desire was out of reach?
No, thank you, sir!
I.. I was just...
Okay, maybe a bit like that.
But I just didn't have an appetite! And I wanted to change my hair for longer!
And..!


"As said, I missed you...", I admitted.

Oh, great, Takanori.
Fucking great.
You just admitted that you were like one of those chicks. Or maybe even worse.
Because, in biological terms, you're a guy.
You have a fucking package dangling in between your skinny legs, mister!

"I missed you too."

And I started crying.



                                 Kapitel 14: 
                                 ------------


One week.
One week in which Akira and me were now officially dating.

One should guess I couldn't be happier.
And I was happy, really.
But still, there was one thing bothering me: I wondered when he'd finally
introduce me to his real life. His real life he shared with a bass and his
friends on stage, making music, having fans, being a celebrity.

"Taka..! Taka!"
A hand waving in front of my face made me snap out of my daydream.
"Errh.. sorry. What did you say?"

A sigh and then a chuckle as warm hands grabbed my cold feet from under the
kitchen table and pulled them onto his thigh.
"I said one day your toes are gonna freeze off when you never wear socks at my
place."
I snickered and lit myself a cigarette, putting the napkin onto my now empty
breakfast dish.
"They won't. You're always warming me in time, aren't you?", I grinned and
pushed my left foot up the inside of his thigh and added light pressure with my
toes to his crotch.
"I try my very best...", his smirk grew wider as I rubbed his balls with my foot
under the table before he grabbed it and gave my ankle a playful tug so that I
almost slipped off the chair I was sitting on.
Snickering, I pushed myself up again and pulled my feet back.
"Okay, okay, I'll get myself some socks."

I Stalked over to the bedroom to grab a pair of socks out of the closet - yes, I
already had my own box with clothing inside of his closet - and put them on as I
sat ontop of the cosy bed.
Suddenly, there was a flapping noise right next to my head and a second after,
Keiji - his cockatiel - sat ony my shoulder and watched me.
And he blinked.
He blinked this cute love-me-I'm-cute-blinking he always did when I was around.
I swear, this thing loved me.
I had no idea why but it did.

I sighed and stroked my index finger over the small fan of yellow feathers on
his head which he acredited with a pleased chirping noise before he snuggled his
head up to my neck to give cute bubbling sounds as we both walked off and into
the kitchen again.

"Ah, he let himself out of his cage again.. damn bird.", Akira cursed and glared
at the bird on my shoulder as soon as he spotted it.
"You don't get back in when you accidentally locked yourself out again.", I
snorted and he glared at me now.
"What are you trying to say, hu?"
"That bird's smarter than you, sweetheart."
"Fuck you."
He tried to look pissed but he couldn't help it but laugh.
We spent the rest of the breakfast with coffee and some cigarettes, while Keiji
was busy on the kitchen table picking up every last leftover from breakfast.

"Hey, Taka."
"Mh?"
"I'm going out tomorrow night."

I knew.
I still conducted my so-called 'research' on him and the band and I knew they
were playing a concert tomorrow night in Tokyo Blitz.
"Would you like to come along?", he asked and cracked a serene smile at me that
left me speechless.
Wait, what?
Come along?

"Are you sure?"
"Yup."
"Errh.. uhn.. I don't know."
"Naw, come on. I know you want to. Kouyou an Yuu will be there also. It's gonna
be fun.", he tried to convince me and I wondered what he was trying to tell me.
"Uhn.. okay..", I said and smiled.

So tomorrow night he'd introduce me to Reita, hu?



                                 Kapitel 15: 
                                 ------------


Alright.
First problem - namely the mop of hair on my head - was solved so far by
washing, drying and combing.
Second problem: A never ending story.

"Moshi moshi"
"Kouyou! Takanori here!"
"Wha.. you sound... strange. What happened?"
"I have no fucking clue what to wear tonight!"
There was a long moment of silence. Fuck. I was about to hyperventilate.
"Wear something tight and everything will be fine~", he reassured me but I
gripped my neck.
"I lost too much weight, my clothes don't fit anymore..."
"Oh..."

I was about to cry.

"I'll be there in ten minutes. Make some coffee. Relax. And for heaven's sake,
don't jump out of the window!"


Twenty minutes later I sat in Kouyou's car and we were driving downtown to
Harajuku.
Thirty minutes later, I stood in the middle of a huge store and was packed with
a bunch of clothing.
"Alright, you'll try this on and I'll see if I find some more."
"Yuu should thank me for going shopping with you."
"He loves you, I'm sure."

Another thirty minutes later, we left the store.
I was happy.
My closet would probably break under the weight of all the clothing it already
stored and the bunch of new stuff I bought but it was fine with me.

"Okay.", Kouyou huffed as he stemmed the package of clothing onto my kitchen
table.
"Here, that's the bag with the outfit for tonight. Put that on and we'll see
what we can do about your hair and makeup."
"Makeup..?"
"Yes, makeup. And now shut up and get going."
I snorted and took the bag, stuck my tongue out at him, and disappeared into the
bedroom to dress myself.
The dark red shirt with the black print on it snug perfectly to my chest and the
deep v-neck showed some of my skin, the black jeans were more than tight, and
the new leather boots were definitely to become one of my favorite pair of shoes
I possessed.

As I made it to the kitchen, my eyebrow arched.
Kouyou made a snapshot of me with his cellphone and giggled.
"What was that for?", I snarled and frowned at him before taking place at the
table to light myself a cigarette.
"For the before-after-comparing. Because now...", he pulled a black bag out of
nowhere and opened it on the table, "..you're going to be prettified."
"What the..."
I looked at the bag that contained a generous amount of brushes, makeup, combs
and even a small bottle of hairspray.

"Do you always carry that around with you?"
"Yup."
"...is that lipgloss?!"
"Yup."

An hour later, a thick layer of makeup and my very own Ozone hole richer, I
didn't dare to look at myself.
"I'm finished, you can look at yourself now.", Kouyou grinned at me and lit
himself a cigarette, obviously very proud of his work, "Oh, and take the
cellphone with you for comparison."
Huffing, I made my way over to the bathroom, ignoring the mirror in the hall on
purpose because when I made it to the bathroom and got a shock I could wash all
the stuff on my face right off.
Turning the light in the relatively small room on, I dared a look... and was
speechless.

"What the...", I said to my own reflection and suddenly started to grin like a
moron.
The black eyeshadow that framed my eyes made me look kinda evil - I liked that.
Kouyou had even taken the time to fix the little problem I'd always had with my
eyebrows, namely by ripping some of it out and accentuating the rest with dark
brown eyeshadow and an eyebrow pencil; the rest of my face was pale as always,
but the skin looked a little more even with that bit of foundation and powder on
it.
You probably ask youself why I know all those words if I never gave a damn about
makeup.
You're damn right.
I never did.
But what else could I do than listening to Kouyou's explainations while he put
all that stuff on my face? You know.. Kouyou!

My hair was slightly teased and looked ruffled, but the ends were pulled into
small spikes while my frindge still framed my face in the usual manner.

"And? What do you say?"

Kouyou appeared behind me and grinned, the glimming cigarette still in between
his lips.
"I look strange... younger...", I answered honestly and cracked a smile.
"Well, that's the sense of makeup, y'know."
"..what can I say.. thank you."

He grinned at me and playfully slapped my left ass cheek.
"Aki's gonna love it, you'll see."

"I hope so."



                                 Kapitel 16: 
                                 ------------


The air in the quite small concert hall was sticky with cigarette smoke and the
smell of sweating people, hairspray and a shitload of girls' perfume.
The only lights that were on were at the side of the stage and some at the upper
balcony.
Standing right in the middle of the crowd maybe wasn't the best idea but I
couldn't help it.

And, overall, I felt a little uneasy around all those girls that stared at me
like hungry hyenas that seemed to be ready to jump at me and eat me alive.

Kouyou had told me, we'd see each other in the crowd eventually, because the
'official' version was that we would watch the concert together.
As if.
But as long as they didn't know that I knew, it was probably better to play the
innocent, clueless one.
Sipping at my plastic cup of beer I brushed some strands of sweaty, longer hair
from my neck back over my shoulder and adjusted the silver necklace I was
wearing as well.

Finally, the lights went out.
The girls started screaming so fucking loud I could swear it would turn me deaf
any second.
And, somehow, I got damn excited all of a sudden.
The fine hair in my neck stood on end as the curtain was lifted and the first
taps of drumsticks could be heard, followed by a growling bassline which I knew
must have been his.

And there he was.
Oh. Fucking. God.
Jesus. Christ. On. Extasy. And. Cocaine.
He looked so hot my mouth gaped open.
Not only the hair and makeup I already knew from countless magazine articles and
my recherche on the internet, but also the outfit he wore.
His muscular torso was packed into a tight black leather vest with a black shirt
underneath it, both decorated with prints and countless studs and chains on
them, two straps of leather around his elbows made his bizeps stand out even
more whenever those skilled hands rushed down the neck of his instrument and
slammed into the strings to give the whole hall another shudder of electrical
produced, sonic power.
The baggy jeans his slim legs were put in revealed more of his pale skin than
they hid, since the raw material was crushed and ripped into strands of fabric
that hung lose around his thigs and knees, down to the massive boots with steel
toes he wore.
The broad leather strap that held his bass was decorated with a studded iron
cross patch and his name "Reita" stitched into it.

I couldn't pay much attention to the rest of the band halfway through the
concert and as soon as Akira had found me in the crowd and held eye contact with
me, I couldn't even figure out if the band was still playing any music at all or
if my life had suddenly turned into a mute film.
He smiled.
He smiled that fucking cocky grin of his which I usually would have loved to
slap out of his face but, right now, all I could do was grin back like a moron.

But, suddenly, something broke our eye contact.
Or rather, someone.
A guy with rather short, brown hair that hung straightened and flat around the
pale face with smeared black makeup on the eyes and lips, a red suit clinging
onto his skinny body as his hands left the microphonestand they'd formerly held
to grab a hold on Akira's neck and pull him close to.. to... oh fuck.
Wait, where did that guy put his fucking tongue?!

Staring, my mouth gaped open once more.
My brows furrowed, my heart was thumping in anger against my ribcage, my hands
curled into fists so hard my nails dug red half moons into my skin and my eyes
started stinging from the smoke touching them, since I forgot how to blink.
I didn't even hear the frantic and excited screams of the girls anymore.
I didn't care that I was the onlyone standing frozen in the middle of moving
bodies.

I couldn't see that everybody on stage was frozen as well.
Couldn't see that Reita seemed as shocked as me and also Yuu and Kouyou missed
their right notes.
I had already turned around and dug my way back through the crowd and towards
the exit.



                                 Kapitel 17: 
                                 ------------


I didn't even know where I wanted to go.
Actually, I was just starving for a cigarette outside.
My mind was spinning in circles around the scene inside of the concert hall,
around several scenes in the back of my head that had taken place in my bedroom,
around the first time he had kissed me - and no, I didn't mean those moves of
trying to asphyxiate each other with the own tongue back at the 39 or the days
later when we'd usually just meet up to fuck. No, I meant the first time he had
really kissed me.
Which had been only a week ago but now it seemed all of the feelings I had
interpreted into those new kind of kisses were fake.

Fumbling with my zippo for a second, I finally managed to light myself a
cigarette, even if with shaky hands.

"Need a light?"

Sighing, I blew a cloud of toxic smoke out into the cool night air.
Akira and I knew each other a couple of weeks and yet I felt like missing
something essential when he wasn't around me. I needed him.
It wasn't just a crush anymore, it dawned in my brain, and at the same second I
was unbearably afraid.

"Tell me what kind of love that is."

My fingers started trembling more with every time I lifted my hand to drag at
the cancer stick in between them. The icy wind gripped me and blew me closer
towards the wall in my back as if it wanted to trap me here until something
happened.
I could still hear the music playing inside the hall, the loud drumming, the
bass, the crying guitars and the voice of that guy I really started to hate so
much even though I didn't even know him.
Goosebumps rushed up my arms under the leather jacket I wore and I stemmed my
right foot into the wall behind me to give some sort of support because I
silently started shaking again.

I couldn't even cry.
I couldn't even say if this was real anymore. Real or one of the many weird
fantasies I'd had along the last weeks.
Why couldn't I just wake up and go back to my normal, boring life?
Wake up, drink some coffee, go to University, teach my class some hours, spend
some more hours drawing my own work, go home, drink some, and go to bed.
The music inside ebbed away slowly but I didn't even hear it.

"Matsumoto-san..? ..Matsumoto-san..?"
A large, warm hand gripped my cold shoulder and made me look up.
"Everybody with a VIP pass is asked to come backstage now.", he informed me and
I looked down at the small ID card hanging with a strap around my neck.
Again, a light tug at my shoulder - the staff guy seemed to be in a hurry - but
I hesitated.

Should I go..?



                                 Kapitel 18: 
                                 ------------


I followed the staff guy down a pretty long corridor in the backstage area.
I could hear voices and bustling outside - obviously, the other fans were slowly
leaving the hall.
Suddenly, something tall, clad in black clothing and with hazelnut hair and eyes
stopped right in front of me. And it flashed the hugest smile I've ever seen.
Somehow, it was scary. And somehow, it was nice.
It was that kind of smile that made you want to smile as well; I couldn't really
offer anything more than a twitch in the left corner of my mouth though.
And it was stretching his hand out to me.

"The name's Yutaka.", he said without losing any of his smile, "So, I'm glad
we're finally able to meet up, I heard a lot about you."
I nodded my head and, slowly, it began to sink in while I shook his hand. This
was Yutaka aka Kai, the drummer of their band. And why the hell was he treating
me like I was some kind of celebrity..?

I heard a lot about you.

Sighing, I realized that the reason I had really come backstage was someone
else's presence that wasn't to be found until now.
My eyes wandered along the walls of the room, over there catching Kouyou and Yuu
sharing a smoke on the couch while laughing and talking, over there that guy
that made my eye twitch.

"Takanori..?"
A hand appeared in front of my face, behind it the puzzled expression of
Yutaka.
"Uhn.. hu? Sorry, I..."
"Nevermind. Aki's next door in the dressing room...", he pointed at the door to
the left and nodded, a smile splitting his face again.

Slowly, I stepped to the door, looked back over my shoulder - why the hell was
everybody staring at me..? - and pushed the wood open without knocking before
slipping in and pulling it shut again.
The noise seemed to make Akira notice someone had come in without asking to, so
he turned around to see who the intrudor was, but as soon as he saw me, he
turned his back again and tried to look busy with his clothing.

My eyes followed the line of his backbone upwards, I saw the scratching marks
I'd left there yesterday night, to his shoulders and the back of his neck where
the knot of the cloth around his face sat comfortably against his skin, to the
spiked, blonde hair - but I still couldn't catch his face.
"Will you ignore me for the rest of my life now?", I asked and stepped a little
closer.
"You're pissed."
"I have all reason to, don't I?"
"You're pissed about something this minimal."
"Is that so? Minimal? Some minor incident I'll have to deal with on my own? Is
that what this is all about for you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Shoving your tongue into your bandmates' mouths?"
"Wait a second, mister, he was kissing me, not the other way around!"
"Oh, I see, you're more the passive type. That makes everything better of
course."
"Okay, listen.", he sighed and grabbed his mohawked hair, "It's just fanservice,
okay? Those girls love to imagine we were all gay and having relationships with
each other - hell, they even write crappy fanfictions about all that stuff."

"..because that is oh so untrue, of course.", I snorted.
"That's not the point here."
"Then get to it."
"What I'm trying to say is: It's only show. It's part of the show and it doesn't
mean anything as all."

Thinking for a second, I shook my head.
"I'm sorry... I guess, I overreacted a little...", I sighed.
He curled his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his body. Digging my
fingertips into his skin, I inhaled his scent as I buried my face at his neck,
closing my eyes.
"It's okay... I should have told you. Everything, I mean... I just didn't know
how, so I thought I'd just invite you to one of our concerts to show you..."
Smiling, I looked up and pecked at his lips.

"Naw, come on, Akira, get a room for you.", I heard a unpleasantly familiar
voice behind us.
"Shut up, Yune.", Akira growled and just pulled me closer, "And get going."
I heard footsteps coming closer and finally managed to turn around in Akira's
hold as I faced the band's vocalist once more this evening.

"At least he's cute. Your taste for men never fails, Aki~"
"Shut the fuck up."
This time, it was me spitting a reply at him and he glared at me.
No, I didn't care about his opinion and I didn't care if he'd let the staff crew
throw me out.

"Feisty, eh?", he chuckled and licked his lips while still looking at me in that
irritating manner, "You should rather be happy that I let you date my ex
boyfriend, so you better be nice to me."

Oh and how I loved the sound his jaw made under my fist.



                                 Kapitel 19: 
                                 ------------


He was down.
And by saying down I mean down.
He ate almost nothing - maybe some yoghurt in the morning or some rice but,
mostly, his daily food-intake consisted of cigarettes. Lots of.
And no, even I as a smoker didn't consider three packages a day as healthy.
He looked tired.
Really tired.
I would find myself alone in bed at night quite often.

And I was worried.

It wasn't since my little... let's say incident with Yune that he was down. It
must have happened two or three days later.
I didn't know what exactly was going on but I knew that shit was boiling.
Kouyou, Yuu, and Yutaka showed up almost every day by now - and when they came
they'd lock themselves (including my boyfriend) up in the music room.

And I was angry.

I was angry at them for leaving me out - especially Akira.
I was okay with the circumstance that he didn't talk to me about that topic.
Well, I would have been perfectly fine with it if he had kept talking to me at
all.
He maybe greeted me in the morning or when I came home from university but that
was pretty much it.

And I was sad.

Sad that nobody seemed to notice me.
Notice I was worried about all of them just as much, since they didn't really
look healthier than Akira right now.
Sad that it didn't feel like we were lovers anymore.

So, when they had gathered up in the music room like the homeless around a fire,
I did what I could best.
I banged at the door.



                                 Kapitel 20: 
                                 ------------


"He did what?!"
I threw my hands in the air.
Yuu nodded.
"Oh great, and all because of me.", I huffed and felt the urge to punch myself.
Would have looked weird, though.
"I guess you were just the last drop onto the hot stone."
"Oh wow, that makes me feel so much better now."
"Taka..."
It was Akira's voice that made me shut up. I had missed it.

"It wasn't your fault, it was his own. He fooled himself long enough and you
just made him realize."

Out of no obvious reason, Yutaka started shaking and sobbed a little.
I glanced at him and felt sorry - but most of all, everything about this
situation made me angry. Angry at Yune.

"Hush.. come on, we're gonna share a smoke outside..."
Kouyou grabbed their drummer by the arm and pulled him up onto his feet to drag
him out of the room right afterwards. We watched the door falling shut in
silence.
Yuu sighed.
"They were a couple. Well, at least we thought so..."
I looked at him.
"He not only left the band but Yutaka also. He admitted he never had feelings
for him..."

And within a second, I had grabbed Akira and was out of the door.
"What the fuck, Takanori...", he cussed and rubbed his arm as soon as I'd let go
of him and we were standing on the sidewalk in front of his apartment complex.

"I have to talk to Yune. Now."
"Why does this have to involve me then?"
"I have no idea where he lives."
"Oh... true."
"Take me there... okay?"

A minute later, we were sitting on his black motorcycle and were dashing down
the road.



                                 Kapitel 21: 
                                 ------------


Bang.
Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

"Takanori... there's a bell, you kno-"
"Shut up!"

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. BANG.

"Maybe he isn't even at home~"

BA-

"What the fucking hell?!"
Hazelnut snake eyes glared at me as soon as the door in front of us was ripped
open.
"You son of a whore better let me in.", I said and glared back at Yune.
Oh and I was angry.
"Why in the world would I, you fuckwit?!"
Oh and I loved the purple bruise on his jaw.
I snorted.
"We can either discuss this here ore in the media, both is fine with me."
I knew it was a dangerous bluff but it was worth a try.

"...you better be quick.", he muttered and stepped aside to let us in.
Akira was grunting behind me but didn't say anything.
I knew he hated my methods but as long as I got through with them I didn't see
the point in changing them. Especially about someone like Yune who seemed to
need a little pressure now and then to keep the right track.

"Get to the point then.", he finally said as we stood in the middle of his
living room, crossing his arms on his chest.

"I want you to be a man, for hell's sake. You're a bitch. Really, I mean. As
intrigant and moody as you are, you're worse than a highschool girl. I'm more of
a man then you are, even if I get a dick shoved up my ass every night - oh,
wait, thanks to you, sir, that I don't get any of that man candy anymore!"

Silence. Akira behind me coughed nervously.

"And, just by the way of course, what the fuck is wrong with you to abuse
someone as innocent as Yutaka just because you can't have the man you want?
Someone should really teach you some manners and rules for inter-social life.
And coming to talk about it: If you ever again even think about touching my man
again, I swear to God and all heavens that I'll rip your balls off."

Silence again.
I saw Yune's mouth gape open as if he was about to say something but I cut him
right off.

"I guess all of that won't change you and your fucked up personality at all but
I don't care. You've done massive damage. To all of your bandmates - your
friends - and you don't even see it. All you do is whine about yourself. And no,
I don't want you to come back into the band because things can't be turned back
to point zero. I just want you to fucking grow up."

I huffed and crossed my arms.
Silence - again.

"Fine. Now that nobody seems to be willing to add something, I'm leaving."
"I'm sorry."
My eyes scanned Yune from head to toe and now I finally saw that he looked
tired, too.

"I tried to love him. I really tried.", he said and looked to the ground before
closing his eyes. "But when I saw you and realized that... this thing between
Aki and you was serious, I... I... fuck." - he bit his lip.

A moment of silence erupted but this time it wasn't me speaking first again but
Akira.

"I told you we'd never get back together when we broke up."
"I didn't want to believe you."
"You should have."
"I didn't want to lose you..."
"What about Yutaka? I'm sure he didn't want to lose you either."

And with that, we were done.
Yune turned away and I could see his shoulders shake under silent sobs but we
had no intention to stay or have any pity.
"We're leaving. And don't you dare to call me or any of us ever again."



                                 Kapitel 22: 
                                 ------------


"You look like you could need a cigarette."

Akira and I were standing outside of the building we'd just left.
"Indeed...", I huffed and looked up into the black sky. Heavy drops of rain were
crashing down on us but I felt relieved. I flicked a cancer stick in between my
lips and bowed my head down a little to not let it get wet.

"Need a light?", he asked me and I nodded with a little smile. It was one of the
things he used to say quite often. The same words with the same tone, maybe even
with the same look in his eyes I found hard to remember from the evening at the
39 when he'd said that special sentence for the first time.
So we shared a smoke in silence for a while, maybe both wallowing in beloved
memories.

Akira cleared his throat.
"I guess, I'm owing you an apology..."
"Yup."
"I'm sorry for... everything that happened."
"Sometimes, you can't change things... but, above all, I'm glad to have you
back."
"I've been there all the time."
"No. Your body has but your mind was all over the place."
"I'm sorry."
Strong arms encircled my waist and pulled me close to his wet body as he pressed
a kiss onto my temple.
"And about Yune..."
"Nah, I'm done with him. I guess that bruise on his cheek will remind him not to
touch what's mine.", I snorted.
"I didn't expect you to be that possessive, I must admit."
He chuckled into my ear and nibbled at it with his lips.

"Mmh."
"I guess I'm also owing you some attention..."
"Definitely~"
His hands covered my butt and he gave it a light squeeze before he looked at me,
grinning that cocky smirk I came to love.
"Man candy, eh?"
And I grinned back.
"Yup. And I'm starving for some sugar."

A smile. A kiss.
A curtain on the third floor swung shut.



                                 Kapitel 23: 
                                 ------------


"Alright, everybody, have a nice weekend!"
I was clapping my hands, the students bowed at me and left the room. I was left
alone and sighed, relieved of this very long and eventful week to be finally
over, before I started to tidy everything up - cleaning the blackboard, putting
desks and chairs back into their destinated order and sampling the canvases at
the sideboard.

"Still at work, Matsumoto-sensei?"

I smirked.
I knew that voice. I knew those hands gripping my hips from behind and I knew
that smell.
Lips ghosted over my neck and gave me soft chills I enjoyed even more as I felt
the bulge in Akira's pants pressing up against the curve of my ass.
"Aren't you going home like the other students, Suzuki-kun?", I asked but gasped
as he shamelessly grabbed the front of my black jeans.
"I thought I could need some extra lessons, you know..."
"Mmh, I see...", I moaned as he softly pushed me further against the wooden
piece of furniture right in front of me, "What would you want me to do then..?"

His free hand roamed over my side and my chest before he pinched my left nipple
through the white fabric of my shirt. He was quick in unbottoning my blazer and
loosening my black tie, making my position against him all the more
comfortable.

"Teach me art, sensei, show me how to see through the eyes of an artist.. your
eyes... When you look at the world, show me what you see..."

A soft bite to my neck was enough to send my mind all over the place. I was
shivering in his hold but I wasn't cold at all.
"Draw me~", he whispered and grasped my hips again to turn me around.
He slowly stepped backwards, leaving me at the sideboard and looking at me in
this irrisistable manner he used to look at me with when he wanted me to obey to
his wishing.
"Draw me.", he repeated and sat down at the edge of a table, slightly spreading
his legs before he pushed his hand into his jeans.

With shaky hands I unwrapped a blank canvas and fished for oil paint and some
brushes inside one of the drawers. A stand for the canvas was right next to me
so I was prepared soon.
I started to draw as soon as he had pushed his pants down over his knees and I
had free sight on his twitching cock and the little flicks and twists of his
wrist he pleasured himself with - what I drew and what caught me most wasn't his
crotch though.
My eyes were spellbound to his face and its expressions; the little flickers of
lust, despair, extasy glimming in those silver eyes I had fallen for so long
ago.
I only had red paint, so this was only going to be a quick sketch, since the way
his body tensed under his own touch showed me he was close to release anyway.

And I watched him.

As his body fell still with one last, sore moan I dropped the brushes and,
before I could even realize it, I stepped closer and grasped his hand to lick
the still warm seed of his fingers.
I didn't care that the bulge in my pants already hurt.
He pulled me against his still half-naked body and into a kiss.

"Taka..?"
"Mmh?"
I nuzzled my face against the crook of his neck and inhaled his scent and his
warming presence.
"I love you."

My eyes flickered open and a smile stretched my lips.
I kissed his ear and whispered a small "love you too" into it before I took a
step back to let him dress himself again while I wrapped up the canvas.

By then, I had no idea I'd never return to university again.



                                 Kapitel 24: 
                                 ------------


"Takanori!"
"Uhun..?"
Gods, I can't even describe how much I hated it when Akira woke me early at a
saturday morning.
Well, early was to be defined... yes, 11am was early. Too early for my taste.
Way too early.

"Kouyou said you can sing!"
"What... alright now, great joke, tell me later again~"
I was rolling over onto my stomach and closed my eyes again.
"I'm being serious, Taka!"
His body bounced slightly on the bed as he sat down on its edge.
Why was he up and fully dressed this early anyway?
Damn sports freak.

"He said you were singing some Ayumi Hamasaki song when you used his bathroom~"
"I'll kill him."
"You'd have to get up for that first."
"What am I having a boyfriend for? Go ahead, my brave knight and rescue your
prince's reputation.", I snorted.
"I won't kill anyone for that lousy goal, honey."
"Don't call me that."
"Why not, honey?"
"...die."
"Come on, you can't sing that bad if Kouyou says you're a good singer."
"He likes Slayer."
"Taka..."
"Alright, alright, maybe I can sing. So what?"
He grinned down at me as soon as I turned to face him.
Oh fuck.
He was planning somethi-
"No way in fucking hell."
"Why not? It'd be worth a try!"
"Never ever. Nu-uh." I shook my head.

I don't know how exactly he had convinced me to come there, but half an hour
later I was sitting on a stool in the studio room with some sheets of notes and
text in front of me.

"Just to clear this first: Kouyou, you're soon to die in a fire."
"You should stop singing while you shit, that'd definitely be better for your
breathing. And your karma."

Oh, he was so lucky that window seperated us...


And well, I guess you're wondering why I've been telling you all of this.
Quite smart question, I must admit.
Do you remember where all of this started?
Right, at a day that could be summed up with the word "shit" and a club I'd just
come into by accident. With some coffee and a handful of people who had already
become close friends by now.
And right now?
Right now, I was sitting next to my lover in a radio show.


"I call myself Ruki because I see myself as a beginner."

---

Chapters: 24
Total word count: 14.180
Count of swearwords: 114
Number of comments: 303
Time needed: 131 days




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